My last post was about a month ago and you can guess that so many things have changed since then. I wrote about how I was feeling under the pressure because of my incoming exam and all the things I had to do and how they were so intimidating and how I cried premium tears because of it. Well...I passed the exam! Thank you thank you (we good like that)!
If you ask me if the stress was really worth it? To be honest, I will tell you I don't know because I actually don't know but what I do know is that the exam didn't end me and I'm still here (glory!).
I actually have an exam still coming up and to be honest, this time around I'm just like whatever! Like 'been there, done that' lol.
I have also been doing a lot of thinking, totally unrelated to my exam. I recently just graduated uni and I've been at home. The hospital I'm hoping to work are not recruiting yet and it has had me thinking. I'm probably spreading my dirty linens outside but they are actually not so dirty. Apparently some of my colleagues have started working and I'm just like 'wow, nice one!' And frankly speaking, I'm not calling a pity party. 'Oh, don't worry, God will do your own too', 'ahh, sorry, shey you won't apply somewhere else like this', 'omo, pele, I know how you feel', 'nawa for that hospital sef, shey you don't know anybody there ni'; hmmm hmmm none of that.
Well maybe I would have wanted that party about 2 days ago but not anymore! Well yes, some of my friends have started work and I would probably still be at home for a month or two, okay?! They would finish before me and start serving before me, okay then?! Oh, when they finish and are planning JP, I would still be doing my own internship, okay so?! While all these thoughts are valid and are thoughts that have ran through my mind several times, I'm not going to beat myself up because of that or am I now?!
I read Hauwa's newsletter today and she basically talked about the silent era or phase. “I’m at that stage where nothing is really happening. People are out there getting promotions, making huge career moves, buying houses, announcing pregnancies, collaborating with the biggest brands, attending Wizkid’s mummy’s burial, telling daddy freeze their life story on IG live, selling out shows, relocating, while I’m in my room, somewhere in Lagos, eating a stick of carrot”.
I was literally like same sis!
I mean I want to be able to narrate my experience with a fine patient relative who wore pink to see his family member and made eye contact with me to my friend who had to stand throughout surgery the same day(sorry not sorry) and not after two months but I guess we really are not running on thesame timetable again. We don't have Maternal and Child Health together and hope we make it to class in time before the lecturer serves an impromptu quiz. 'Tear a sheet of paper' *laughs in you didn't make it in time and you're standing outside till the end of the quiz.
Really, this is real life now! Everyone is running a different race and at different times. After all we are 5 hours ahead of the people in New York and they are really not trying to beat that difference so how about running your own race. How about allowing your self be yourself at the very time you're in? How about letting go of the hurt you feel simply because you don't have the type of phone your neighbor has at a time like this? (your neighbor might just be a trust fund bro and you don't even know) How about trusting your own process and working towards being your own self?
What's the biggest thing that can happen? They travel out before you? Does that mean you don't also get to travel out? Genuinely happy for my working class babes and I'm also genuinely happy for the phase I'm in right now. It's actually not bad to take a little rest sometimes.
Right now, I'm living and that's all that matters! You should too! You should give yourself some grace! You should allow yourself make the best use of the phase you're in whether silent phase or working phase! You should LIVE!
Okay I think I talked too much but I really hope you enjoyed reading and that there's some value in what I said.
Xoxo
This is a nice write up.
Baby girl, we should also have this in mind, our ways are not GOD’S way.
GOD’S perfect time is the best.
Let’s take my story for example, I know you get what I’m trying to say.
Let enjoy the process not endure.
Love you ❤️