THE WEEK I'VE HAD

Not that I went to an owambe looking peng and found the love of my life but...

To start with, thank you to all 40 something of you who read my last post and to the 6 of you who subscribed, I love you so much! Why am I putting out the number you may ask? While I wanted to post it, I thought and calculated the people I know will be genuinely interested in reading and also just told myself “they may not be more than 10 people who will read this but we move, yeah”. I just didn’t want to put a large number in my head and be disappointed but see what the Lord has done. Thank you so much for reading and for subscribing! If you haven’t subscribed what are you waiting for? The paid subscription button?!

By the way, it feels like you all know so much about me now from the last post but who cares? I’m a dynamic babe! Ever changing! Today I’ll be talking (actually ranting) to you guys about the week I’ve had. You know while I was in school there was a routine and there were specific events for each day. You know you’re to be in church or in class at a particular time. It is totally different now. I’m the owner of my time now. I could sleep till 11am if I want, I’m not marking any strict lecturer’s attendance. I like it but the anxiety that comes with thinking of what’s next is insane. I could be in my room and I’m thinking of all the shoes and clothes and the money that I need for my convocation and I’m just crying and telling myself “perhaps I should run away” but God forbid!

It’s worst when you’re the first person to graduate in your family and you’re thinking, should I tell them this is how much it cost, will they not say I’m overbilling them? But then again if I don’t talk to them about it, when my sisters reach this point, won’t they be like “Damilola didn’t ask for this, you shouldn’t too”. it’s a lot of thinking and there’s no template, bruhhhhh! Anyways, I’ve learnt to summon courage and ask regardless.

Also, something happened at home about 3 months ago. It was a fire incident. My youngest sister had fried yam and with excitement left the oil on fire. We were all outside and I remember that day I was playing ‘I get backing’ by Victoria Orenze. Thinking about it now, the perfect song for that moment could have been ‘Fragrance to Fire’ by Dunsin Oyekan because tell me why all of a sudden I started perceiving smoke only for me to enter the kitchen and the smoky fragrance had turn to fire (please don’t leave me). I  couldn’t believe my eyes and I didn’t know what to do so I ran outside to seek help because I’m not the bravest of my sisters. To cut the long story short, the bravest had brought some water to salvage the situation. I also played some heroic comebacks there too because if my mum tells the story, she’ll surely mention my name. No damage was done to anyone except the frying pan was condemned and the kitchen now looks like it’s going to rain everytime we’re in there incase you’re curious. Fast forward back to 3 months after, I keep smelling the same smell I did that day or I thought I did. While I was in school though, I kept remembering the whole incident and I’ll be scared all over but I couldn’t do anything. Now, I could have finished cooking and I’ll put of the cooker and the cylinder but once that smell comes, it doesn’t matter if I’am already eating, I’ll leave my food and go and check the kitchen immediately. Sometimes I could be watching something with my sisters and I’ll tell them to pause it and somehow find my way to the kitchen to check. My medical friends would have given a diagnosis to this and I also did but is it? I got really worried and scared. Sometimes when I’m on my bed at past 10pm and I perceive the smell, I’ll get up and go to the kitchen. It got that bad but I told God about everything. I also wanted to pray with one of my friends about it as well ( I did’nt tho) because it was beginning to transfer to other things like when I hear a knock at the gate because the wind blew. I had prayed that God helped me to get rid of this Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was on my bed that night and I perceived the smell and before I could get up, the smell of suya covered my nose. (the expression on y’alls faces right now, haha). Ashey, na suya I don dey smell all these days, mo ni Jesu! I had a relief even though till now I still double check if I had put off the cylinder but it doesn’t worry me as much as it did then.

Good news! I started working on my business! I do not want to say all that it is about yet because I figured that everytime I did that, I end up not bringing it to life so I’m keeping it a secret between God and I but you can ask God. I also worked on my relationship with God. I wish I could ask Pastor Iren how he made it this far with God because sometimes I’m just like what am I not doing right but I’m asking the Holy Spirit to help me out. You should too!

Before I forget, I also watched ‘She was Pretty’, a korean movie and it was beautiful. The romance is top notch, I loved it! Except all that, I looked so pretty throughout the week! There was no fine boy in sight! I saw God help me throughout the week. Uneventful week but see who discovered that God can help with anything especially the things that looks like it doesn’t concern Him. That thing you’ve always wanted to talk to God about but feels very stupid, tell Him about it. He cares that much!

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I love you all!

TAKE HOME: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a disorder characterised by failure to recover after experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event which may last months or years with triggers that can bring back memories of trauma accompanied by intense emotional and physical reactions.

Till next time, Damilola Onifade